The Diary
by Quills2
Summary: When Peyton's diary comes into Lucas's hands, he is forced to relive their relationship together. R&R, please.
1. Chapter 1

The diary came on a Friday morning. It was a hideous, leather bound thing, huge. A ribbon bookmark was sewn into the binding and the pages were worn with wear.

'Her fingers rested here,' he thought. Lucas opened the diary slowly, gingerly. On the inside cover was a dried flower, a daisy. Above it, a note:

_To Lucas. This is our story._

He could feel the ball rising in his throat, the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He closed the diary. No, not yet.

He set it o his desk, staring at it with a sense of foreboding. He needed Peyton. He needed to talk to her.

He grabbed his phone and traveled to his bed, sitting on the edge.

He dialed quickly, effortlessly, as if it was second nature.

Her voicemail picked up automatically.

"Hey, this is Peyton. You know the drill…"  
The beep roused Lucas out of his thoughts.

"Hey babe…I miss you." He paused and sighed. "I—I don't know what to do, I just…I need to hear your voice. I need you to call me back. I need you, goddamnit." He said quickly.

After a moment, he hung up.

She didn't call back.

……………………..

The diary sat there for days, weeks. It was the first thing his eyes fell upon when he entered the room, and the last thing his eyes saw before he turned off the lights at night.

His dreams were his memories.

"I have a surprise for you…" Her voice was like a song. "…and there is a surprise ending. So no cheating!" Now he realized she had been talking about her journal.

He sat up with a start, drenched in sweat…tears. He loved her. He lived for the nightmares she plagued on his while he slept. She was all and she was everything.

The next morning, he resolved to read it. He had promised, after all. Maybe then, then she could come back to him.


	2. Reunion

_5 Oct. '05_

_Saw Lucas today. Went to Karen's Café…very peculiar reunion._

It was the perfect fall day. The leaves in Tree Hill were turning golden…auburn…brown, and falling languidly into the streets.

Peyton walked into the café. It was far too long to remember the last time she had actually been in there.

She sat at a booth, her sketchpad sat in front of her as she began draw carelessly.

Lucas was helping at the café today. He watched her, bent over her work, from behind the counter.

He didn't plan to talk to her, but it was as if he was drawn…

When a shadow cast over her sketchpad, Peyton looked up slowly. Lucas was standing over her, amusement written all over his features.

"Hey."

"Hey," she returned in greeting.

There was awkward silence.

"How have you been," she asked finally.

"Good…good."

There was that silence again.

'Cool."

Lucas nodded. "Yep," and paused. "Well…I guess Ill talk to you later."

Peyton nodded quickly, returning to her drawing.

Lucas grimaced all the way back to the kitchen. Stupid.

………………………

Lucas laughed at the memory. Peyton was right. Peculiar.

………………………

_15 Oct. '05_

_Car in the shop. Bullshit. But in an ironic twist—Lucas friggin Scott walked me home._

Peyton slung the strap of her satchel over her shoulder and brushed her hair out of her eyes. It was a nice enough day. It was crisp and cool…autumn. THS was just out of sight when Lucas pulled along side her in his truck.

"Need a ride?"

She smiled. "It's nice out. Wanna walk?" She said almost sarcastically.\

So she was more than a little surprised when Lucas parked on the came along side of her shrugged.

"Why not?"

Peyton laughed. Sure, company for two more blocks might be nice…

They talked about inconsequential things…Light hearted.

And by the time they had reached her house, they were shoulder to shoulder.

She wanted to ask him in…

He wanted to come in…

She didn't invite. He didn't ask.

"Well, I guess I better go."

"Yeah," Peyton paused. "Hey Luke?...Thanks for walking me."

His smile was warm. "Don't mention it."


	3. Victory Party

_17 Oct. '05 _

_Dreamt about Luke. Hmmm…._

Lucas narrowed his eyes at the words. He wished he knew what about.

……………..

_20 Oct. '05_

_Game day today. Party afterwards. Fun or lame? We'll see!_

Lucas scored the winning basket. The entire THS gym went crazy. He was hoisted on his teammate's shoulders, so happy…

His eyes found Peyton. Pom-Poms in hand. She smiled. He winked at her and watched her throw her head back, laughing. He wondered if she would be at the party…

She was.

She looked…different. Her curls pinned back into a ponytail. She wore a black, midriff baring halter and low slung jeans.

Brooke talked her into it. The bitch. Peyton felt out of her element. She sat on the bar stool, beer in hand, taking in the scene.

She watched the jocks—readily pouring their drinks down the throats of eager cheerleaders. Some would disappear upstairs…convenient cars.

She watched the girls who sucked in their stomachs and shoved out their chests as boys passed.

She rolled her eyes, taking a swig out of her bottle.

Just then, her eyes fell on Lucas watching her.

She tilted her head, beckoning him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Nice shot tonight…"

"Oh, thanks!"  
"Wanna take another?"

"Another what?"

"Shot."

Peyton pulled his hand and lead him over to a bottle of Jim Bean laying innocently on the table.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea," He mused.

…………………..

They stumbled into her room--A tangled, drunken haze of passion and confusion. Their kisses were urgent, uncoordinated. Their minds were moving in slow motion, but their movements, frantic. Lucas's hands caressed her body, moving slowly to the button of her pants. He pulled and tugged—all the movement making Peyton nauseous. She kicked away from him, successfully knocking him out. She ran, oblivious, to the bathroom to get intimate with the toilet for the next several hours.


	4. Confessions

_21 Oct. '05_

_Um…kissing Lucas…getting intense and then…VOMIT. Never. Drinking. Again. _

Peyton woke up slowly, her hands wrapped around the toilet bowl, her head resting on the seat. She moved and winced. Her neck was sore from sleeping absolutely wrong. She groaned and stood slowly.

Shower. Yes. Must.

God, the water was…nothing short of heaven. She let the hot stream pour over her. Her headache was still present, but less prominent when she stepped out.

She threw on her favorite terry cloth robe and felt her bed calling her name. She walked out of the bathroom and shrieked suddenly, staring at Lucas passed out on the side of her bed.

It all came back. The shots…the light flirting which turned to NC-17 pillow talk…the kissing…and finally, kicking Lucas into next Tuesday.

"Lucas!" She said frantically, noticing the cut on his forehead. She quickly reached the conclusion that she knocked him into the corner of her dresser. The blood on his face, long dry, was caked onto the side of his face and hair.

When she shook him, he groaned.

"Thank GOD," she breathed.

She whispered his name softly, urgently.

His eyes fluttered and slowly opened. He soon frowned, his fingers exploring and grazing over his head.

Peyton pulled him into sitting position. "Im sorry."

She ran and got a wet, warm towel. She pressed it against his head.

She kissed his other temple, comfortingly.

"Some night." He finally said.

They both chuckled.

…………………………...

_25 Oct '05_

_We haven't talked about it…_

_The kiss(es)._

Lucas smirked. That was because she didn't want to talk about it. He laughed. She was stubborn even in her own damn diary.

……………………………..

_30 Oct '05._

_Halloween! I think Ill pass out candy this year. Joy._

Lucas had watched her from across the street for over an hour. Watched her smile and pass out candies to expectant children. She was dressed as a fairy. Beautiful. Her hair was light, almost fluffy—but so fitting and fetching. Her eyes were a frosty white, adorned with shimmer and rhinestones.

She looked pale. She looked like perfection. She wore a short, pastel pink dress, her wings attached at her back.

He knocked at her door, slightly nervous.

When she opened the door, he smiled.

"Trick or Treat."

Peyton arched a brow and looked him up and down, amused.

"Hey."

"Hey. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Peyton turned off the porch light and walked inside.

They shit the door behind them and walked upstairs to her room.

Once inside, she turned around.

"What's up?" She asked…too innocently.

"Can we talk?"

"We're talking…"

"About us."

Peyton looked unnerved. "Us?"

Lucas took a step forward. "This isn't in my head, Peyton. Something is going on between us. And we need to talk about this. We owe it to ourselves."

She said nothing, her head down and staring into her lap.

"I know you feel it. I feel it."

She looked up slowly, so sad…

"I cant. I…I need you to go."

"Please." She barely whispered.

She turned towards the window, profiled in the moonlight.

He turned and walked towards the door.

"You're breaking me, Sawyer." He called out over his shoulder.

Her head snapped up, watching the door close behind him.

"I'm already broken, Scott."


	5. Giving In

_05 Nov '05_

_Got in a fight. Me. P. Sawyer. I won. Ha. Looks like I got kung-fu skills. Guess who broke up the fight…?_

It was passing period. One more class and Lucas would be outta school for the day. Good.

Lucas said bye to Haley and rounded the corner towards chemistry when raised voices and a crowd caught his attention. A quick glimmer of blonde caught his eye.--Then the recognizable voice.

Lucas pushed through the crowd mere seconds before punching Avery Hart in the face. He winced right along with the crowd at the sight and…now blood.

He grabbed Peyton from behind, his arms wrapping around her waist.

She instinctively elbowed him in the stomach. Lucas's voice filled her ear.

"Calm down" He said almost coolly.

She instinctively dropped her hands to her sides. Avery's boyfriend broke through the crowd and looked from Avery to Peyton to Lucas.

Lucas pulled Peyton back.

"This never happened." His tone was low. He turned and saw the campus police coming down one side of the hall as he pulled Peyton down another and out the double doors.

"Let's go now." He demanded.

Peyton threw Luke her keys.

They roared down the road to her home. Nothing was said.

Once inside, Peyton took off her already ripped and ruined shirt and walked upstairs in her black bra and jeans.

Lucas swallowed hard and followed.

He walked in the room and found her laying back on her bed, her face blank.

"She called me dyke," she said, "…caught me at a bad moment, I guess."

Lucas got a cold, wet cloth and put it over her busted lip.

"Well, she's stupid." He tucked her hair behind her ear comfortingly.

Peyton watched him and his every move, every touch.

"How come every time I turn around, you're there?" She asked.

Lucas shrugged.

Peyton sat up suddenly, her eyes darted to his—back and forth, searching.

"Do you love me?" She whispered quickly.

Lucas's eyes drowned in hers, an intimate gaze between two souls.

"Yes," his tone was steady.

Peyton's fingers slid up his neck and cupped his face. She shook her head.

"You wont be happy with me."

"Why cant you let me decide that?"

He kissed her then. Sure of himself, of them. He kissed her with eyes open, as they watched each other. One hand rested on the back of her neck. Teasing, testing, he knew the exact moment she let go…

She signed softly into his kiss and closed her eyes…

………………..

Lucas had to stop. The memories were so strong, so profound.

He found himself wanting. Wanting her. Wanting to feel her, taste her.

He called. No answer.

Beep.

"Why don't you come see me?" His voice was full of sorrow, "You're my fucking wife. MY wife, goddamnit. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad…" He trailed off, breathing heavy. "It's supposed to be forever."

He hung up and waited for her to call. It didn't come.

He threw the diary across the room.

It stayed there for days…

He came home drunk. Loosened inhibitions, perhaps, caused him to read again…


	6. Progression

_1 Dec '05_

_Consummated. Yep. _

The first time they made love, it wasn't some earth shattering process that brought them together—just natural progress. He made spent the night, like he had several times before. Peyton has insomnia most of the night as she listened to Lucas's even breathing as he slept. The alarm clock glared 4:32 a.m. Peyton sighed slowly and sat up, her hands rubbed over her face. She looked over at Lucas, tilting her head. He was beautiful…his lips, full…his body, gorgeous and lacking clothing at the moment—save boxers.

Peyton's eyes drifted from his face and slid down his body, drinking him all in…

Lucas awoke to himself kissing Peyton. She was on top of him, lying in between his legs, and her hands in his hair. He was hard…very hard. Her hand was over him, toying with him—the thin fabric of his boxers was the only barrier. He pressed himself into her, opening his eyes.

Peyton opened her eyes, smiling…

"Hi."

"Hi.'

Her lips captured his again for a long moment.

"Lucas?" She whispered softly, innocently.

"Yeah?"

Peyton lifted her head, her eyes seeking his, her heart beating against her ribcage.

"Make love to me…"

She didn't even have to ask him. He rolled her on her back; pulling off her shorts, her panties…He kissed her neck, her shoulder…

He pulled off her shirt and pressed his warm body against her warm body. She moved against him urgently.

He took off his boxers, his eyes on her alert eyes…

He rubbed against her, feeling her wet….He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, his forehead against hers. He slid into her smoothly, suddenly. Lucas let out an audible moan, and grit his teeth. God, he wanted to come right then, she felt so good…

Peyton was nearly mindless…he filled her up entirely. He moved in and out with such a rhythm…as if he knew her body for ages. He teased, tested…

She came so quickly, it surprised even her—a rush that filled her veins, her body. He breathed hot words into her ear as the feeling of pure pleasure came over, faster…faster…

He slowed, giving her a moment to recover, before he began to build her up again. He felt his own release on the brink. She was so perfect, so perfect for him. He wrapped his arms around her neck, kissing her ear and he reached his peak, moving harder, deeper…with triggered Peyton for a second time. She turned into his mouth, kissing him in an effort to stifle her screams….they came together.

It couldn't have been more perfect.

………………..

Lucas sat on the couch lost in his memories…

Just then her words echoed in his head, so clear, so real as if she was in the room…

"Please don't do this to yourself…" Words echoed not long ago. But he couldn't help it. He lived for her. He always had. Why couldn't she understand that? It was all so meaningless now…

…………………….

_7 Dec '05_

_I think I'm finding that I could so do domesticity. The white picket fence and all that vomit! Haha. Lucas is just so freaking wonderful that he amazes me everyday. I shouldn't think so far to the future already, but hell…Peyton Scott? Its gotta ring to it, right? _

Everyone called them soulmates. Two kids in love joined at the hip. She knew what he was thinking even before he did. He knew what to say to calm her down. She was the missing piece to his puzzle. He was the one she'd been always looking for. They were the couple everyone was jealous of.

Peyton's head rested in Lucas's lap as they sat beside the lake.

"I cant wait 'til prom…" She said suddenly, dreamily.

Lucas looked down at her and smiled.

"And why is that? What schmuck are you taking?"

Peyton laughed and looked up, Lucas's head was right below the sun. She squinted and put her hand over her eyes.

"Only the biggest schmuck in town—you!"

"Ouch!"

They laughed.

"But no limo! Those are so cheesy," she crinkled her nose.

"Okay, I promise, no limo…"

"Oh and make sure--"

………….

Lucas screamed loudly, he needed to stop this madness. He needed to stop reliving the past, he needed to get over this, get over Peyton.

He sat on his floor, a bottle on whiskey at his side.

He took a shot, paused, and like he did every other night, he called her, with the off chance that she'd answer…


	7. New Year

-1It was frightful how much Lucas had changed in these last months. He felt like a zombie, wandering through life in a cloud with Peyton always in the mist around him. He just couldn't find her. He found himself obsessive over the diary, over reliving the most exhilarating time of his life. When things were beautiful, simple. When Peyton was his moonlight through the dark. He'd often stop buy the liquor store on his way home, for a bottle of whiskey or vodka to nurse him through his nightly reading.

--------

_31 Dec '05_

_So I havent had time to update about Christmas. Sue me! I was busy getting the best gifts ever from Lucas. He got me an easel and paint set. Not to mention an original Joy Division "Unknown Pleasures vinyl. Holy crap! Anyways, New Years Eve! We plan to celebrate accordingly._

He could see her breath in the cold winter's night. Peyton watched Lucas as he drove ahead in the darkness of the night, music softly tinkering in the background. She watched him, her head tilted, a small smile on her lips.

Lucas could feel her eyes on him even when he wasnt looking. He smiled.

"What are you thinking?"

Peyton giggled lightly. "Just that Im really happy right now. I love you. And I cant wait to start and spend all of 2006 with you."

Lucas reached across the seat and took her hand.

"Good," he said, before kissing her fingers. "I love you too."

He was grinning still, an hour later, as they turned into a sandy road, cut in between large sloping dunes. Cape Hatteras.

The beach was dark, nearly deserted. Far in the distance were the glow of a few campfires. The beach roared as waves crashed against the coast.

"It's beautiful," Peyton said, looking out over the water.

Lucas started at Peyton, "Very beautiful."

Peyton turned back to him, their eyes connecting, lips smiling. They kissed as the ocean sang its loud song, as sand softly blew over their feet.

Lucas tucked Peyton's curls behind her ear before opening the trunk of the car and grabbing a bottle of champagne and put a small package in his back pocket.

"But," he said, "We arent going to stay here." He turned and looked behind Peyton, motioning with the bottle. "We're going in there."

Peyton turned and started, laughing. The Cape Hatteras lighthouse beamed proudly behind her.

"We cant go in there! It's closed! What if we get caught?"

"What if?" Lucas said mischievously.

Peyton bit her lip as Lucas grabbed her hand. And they ran towards the lighthouse.

"Hurry," Peyton squealed.

They ran passed the white fence that surrounded it and up the stone steps. Peyton pulled her hand on the knob and pulled. Nothing.

"Denied, Scott," she said breathlessly.

Lucas pulled out the package from his back pocket and opened it, producing a lock pick.

"I am prepared."

"Oh my God!"

They laughed and stumbled all the way up the dark stairs with only Peyton's lighter as their guide.

"We're gonna get caught! Can your parents make bail?"

"Where is your sense of adventure, Sawyer," Lucas laughed.

"You're my adventure!"

They burst to the lookout deck and suddenly silenced. It was a sight. The beach illuminated by the starlight. Lucas checked his watch.

"Sawyer," he said through his breathing, "we have a minute to spare. Anything you'd like to say before 2006 is no more?"

Peyton put an invisible microphone to her lips, laughing.

"Well, Id like to say that 2006 was very good to me. I got over my insecurities, I snagged myself a damn fine man and," she grabbed Lucas's hand, "I'm finally completely, truly, and sickeningly happy."

Lucas kissed her quickly. "And I'd like to say that 2006 was filled with wooing and having the most perfect day everyday when Im with you, Sawyer. You're everything. You're mine and I'm yours. 2006 is ours for the taking and I can't wait. I love you more than you know."

Peyton blushed and bowed her head.

Lucas checked his watch again.

"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..."

"Happy New Year," they sung simultaneously.

And the kiss…oh, the kiss was explosive. It was the culmination of all the year's passion and desire. It was the meeting of two souls. Lucas's mouth brushed Peyton's softly before dipping her backwards. His mouth parted with hers, tongues dueling, teeth nibbling…it wasn't the cold that send shivers down their spines, it was each other. It was electric, it was perfect. It was…raw, pure and uninhibited beauty.

--------

Lucas's eyes were rimmed with tears. On a nearby shelf was a jaw filled with sand. Peyton had cupped it in her hand the entire ride home. He wanted to crush it in his hands, pour the sand into the wind. But he didn't. Instead he stared at the phone and took another shot of whiskey.


End file.
